i may or may not be watching the land before time
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
