matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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