I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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