I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
