He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
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It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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