Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
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The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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