the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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