She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
