i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
