She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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