My hand turned me down
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
