I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
is it fun? or sober?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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