oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
