my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
