glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
