I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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