Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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