I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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