Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
