Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
