the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
