So drunk, too bad you don't want this
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
God, I missed his penis.
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