I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
