he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
