Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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