My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.