I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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