I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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