btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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