At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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