The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
