Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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