i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
