I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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