How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I came so hard my ears popped.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
