I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
