The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
