i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
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Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
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She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize