id be glad to
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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