Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
