i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
