On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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