my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize