I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
