As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
