Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
