sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
