There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
