FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
