so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize