its not stalking. its research.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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