What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
