I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
