his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
