You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
