I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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