He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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