so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
