i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
