dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
