Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
