Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You took a bar mat shot.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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