hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
