so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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