Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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