the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
