I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
