It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
