hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
