R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
