does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
