I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
