After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I looked at my own cervix.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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