perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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