I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
