Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
