I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
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By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
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I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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