Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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